It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
