is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
