Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
