i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
