we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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