Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
