no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I need water and some morals
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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