i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
