every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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