No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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