new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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