So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
