Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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