Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize