Whod you bang
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
