You really coming over, don't trick.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
