Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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