why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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