Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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