What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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