We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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