So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
