sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
