dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
