I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
