I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize