I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
