She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
