Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
