We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
