He had one of those small greek statue penises
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
