I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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