It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
