you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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