I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
