my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
