I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
