Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
