the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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