i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
zippers are such a cool invention
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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