we're blogging at a bar
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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