wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
