I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
