ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
