***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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