You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
