I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
