quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
