Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
