Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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