she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
