I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
