WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
