I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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