Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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