Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
