it's not cheating when I paid for it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
