Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
