Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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