He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
