Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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