Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize