I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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