with your own penis?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
