We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The adults are the big ones right?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
