If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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