So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Can I color on your dick again?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize