If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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