his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
