I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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