DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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