I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
