New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
