I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize