Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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