Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
