So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
