I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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