garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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