Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
