I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize