I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just googled if crying burns calories
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
