Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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