If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize