The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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