So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
