she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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