Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
