so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
