I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Of course I have a pirate flag
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize