It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
