After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
