I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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