Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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