i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
