So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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