I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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