worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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