there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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