FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
