you guys were way drunker than both of me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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