I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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