It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
