but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
