do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
