He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
